War and Peace
by charl88
Summary: Hermione walked into the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of overalls. Ron swore aggressively “Dammit woman! We've been married nearly two years” RonHermione Crack Fic Co written with my friend Laura


The boxes of condoms piled up in the drawer and Ron pulled out a box. "Dammit Hermione" he grunted, looking at the use by date on the box. He was sure the use by date would come before he even had the chance to use them. Hermione walked into the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of overalls. Ron swore aggressively "Dammit woman! We've been married nearly two years"

Hermione frowned sadly "Fine...OK" Slowly she unzipped the overalls. Ron's hopeful look vanished when he saw that she was apparently wearing all the clothes that she possessed underneath.

Luckily for him, Ron knew an undressing spell that he cast so that a naked Hermione stood in front of him. A small smile appeared on the sides on his lips as Hermione covered herself with her hands.

"Ronald" she groaned but couldn't help but to smile at Ron's eagerness.

Ron grinned impishly "You always told me to try everything once Hermione. You never know, you might like it.."

Hermione scowled "I meant with vegetables Ronald"

Ron nibbled Hermione's fingers teasingly, but Hermione gently rapped him on the nose. 'One thing at a time Ron...you can't have your cake and eat it too...' She knew she was taunting him, but he had to know the limits.

"Who said I can't" replied Ron as he placed his hand gently on his wife's waist.

"Ronald, it's my body, my rules" Hermione smiled. Ron nodded "OK then, it's my choice of game but your choice of rules. Can we play now?"

Hermione looked at her husband and let out a small sigh. She couldn't resits that face. "OK Ron, so what's the game?" She knew that she would regret asking this question, knowing the type of mind that he could sometimes have. And she didn't like it. Ron leant over and whispered something into her ear, causing her to blush bright red "Fine" she mumbled quietly.

Ron let out a grin and pressed a soft kiss on Hermione's soft lips. They still tasted as sweet as they had when they were 17. Ron started moving his hand lower but didn't get very far as his hand got slapped away by Hermione. "That's not one of the rules Ron"

Ron pulled away trying not to show disappointment. "So, what are the rules?" he asked quizzically. Hermione but her head to one side and thought for a moment. "If I say no, then you don't go there, simple as that OK?" Ron raised his eyebrow in confusion. _That_ was the rule? She was acting as if they were 12 not 24, but he shrugged "Whatever, so can we play now?

Hermione nodded "Of course....oh and another rule, no wands"

"But Hermione" Ron murmured, grinning teasingly, looking down himself causing Hermione to roll her eyes. Ron couldn't resist another childish remark "Do you wanna see if my wand works for you 'Mione?" Ron grinned. The look she gave him would have even made You-Know-Who think twice. Ron shifted nervously from foot and foot, took her hand and went and sat on the end of the bed.

"You know I love you right, 'Mione?" Ron commented quietly whilst gently caressing her hand with his thumb. Hermione nodded, "I love you too Ron" Ron leant over and tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. "I always loved you" he pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek "And I always will" he placed a kiss on her other cheek. She couldn't help but blush. This was the guy that she had fallen in love with, the guy who made her heart flutter and skip a beat, the guy that had made her knees go weak whenever he entered the same room as her.

She smiled again, pushing herself further onto the bed "Come on then Ron, I thought that we were going to have some fun" he looked at her with interest, a grin spreading across her face as he saw her reaching for a box. "You scheming know-it-all" he growled, pouncing on her, tickling her sides mercilessly.

"Ronald" she screamed, trying to grab his hands, but unsuccessful in the task he continued to tickle her. She collapsed giggling, trying to wriggle free, but eventually giving in she laid still until Ron got bored. Noticing her non-participation in their little game he stopped and looked at her "so how about we have some food?" a devilish grin appeared on his face. Hermione looked at hi with a shocked expression on her face "Food?" Ron could hear the sharpness in her voice "You want food?" Ron couldn't help but smile and leant over and grabbed the object that he had hidden down the side of the bed. He lifted it up and showed the carton to Hermione with a grin on his face. She read the label 'Edible Body Paint – Chocolate Flavour'

Hermione smiled weakly as Ron prepared to paint her. As he began to cover her stomach she curled up, giggling hysterically, 'stop ...it....its....cold....' she gasped. Ron ignored Hermione, and once he felt she was suitably coated, he began to lick the chocolate off her. She shuddered violently, scowling at the ceiling for ending up with a guy with so many kinks.

He pulled back slightly, his lips covered in the chocolate sauce that he has so lovingly adorned his wife's body with. "You know what would great with this?" Hermione didn't reply "Cream" he continued as he began to lean over "Please tell me you haven't Ronald" Ron looked back at her, "I'm kidding...' she looked relieved. But that was short lived as he pulled up a tube of smarties, which he then proceeded to use to make a trail from Hermione's belly button to the base of her throat.

"Ronald, stop it" She sat up causing the smarties to fall on the clean sheets. Ron looked at her in disappointment. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Where did you get the idea to do _this?_" she looked at her body and the mess that was slowly being made on the bed. Ron looked at the floor and bit his lip. Hermione didn't care and knelt up to look at him "Ronald, look at me"

Ron looked up sheepishly. Hermione got off the bed and went to the wardrobe, and continued talking, ' That...is....well...disgusting to be perfectly honest with you, and so I have no choice,' she straightened up and turned to him, 'but to chain you up.' she twirled the handcuffs around one finger. Ron's jaw dropped, "blimin heck 'Mione!"

A devilish grin appeared at the sides of her mouth as she moved closer to him, still twirling the handcuffs on her finger. She gently pushed Ron onto the bed and removed the handcuffs from her finger and placed them around Ron's left wrist. Ron was doing little to control the look of pleasure spreading across his face as Hermione straddled him before locking the other cuff around the metal bedpost. She lowered her head and gently kissed his forehead, then followed the contours of his face with gentle kisses before she came to his mouth. 'Night Night Ron...' she grinned, kissing him fiercely before standing up and wrapping her robe around her.

Ron spluttered in disbelief, 'You...you...What?!'

"You heard" she replied as she made her way to the door. "But Hermione, you can't just leave me like this" he rustled the handcuffs hoping that they would break lose but this was Hermione, she obviously had cast a spell on them which reinforcing their strength. Hermione turned round "Oh can't I?" and gave him a smile. He had said the rules were hers to make- he clearly regretted that decision now.

She made her way back to the bed and sat down beside him. She gently began to lift his shirt and run her fingers over his rugged chest. "So, are you going to tell me who gave you that idea?" she pulled the robe around herself more, still feeling the stickiness of the chocolate sauce still on her skin, making her slightly uncomfortable.

"Seriously 'Mione, no one" he noted the scowl and sighed "Fine, all guys have secret fantasies like that. Don't tell me that you don't?"

"Do I look like a guy Ronald?"

"Hermione, you own handcuffs, you have some fantasies, just don't tell me they're about textbooks or something" he shuddered at that thought. "So you wouldn't want me to be dressed up as a sexy librarian, about to give you a punishment for an overdue book?"

'No.' Ron scowled, but he sounded unsure...he'd never considered that. School Mistress, yes, librarian, no. She began to move her hand down his chest and teasingly slipped her hand into his jeans and ran her finger over his waist line causing Ron to let out a frustrated moan. "'Mione"

"It's the good girls that you have to watch out for Ron" she smiled sweetly, "Cause they have stored all this misbehaviour" Ron gulped, not sure if he liked this side of Hermione or not. He wasn't going to deny that he didn't find it hot though, she hadn't even been like this on their wedding night. He remembered that disaster vividly. He'd been romantic as ever, roses and wine. the lot. but shed clambered into the bed in the Honeymoon suite without noticing. she gave him a short kiss goodnight, then rolled over and fell asleep. Yep, hadn't been the night that he was really hoping for. And it had been like this for two years. He made the effort, he had done candlelight dinners, romantic baths, massages but nothing of it seemed to work and if he was to be honest, it was making him frustrated, not only mentally but sexually. He had lost count of the man shows that he had to stage when Hermione and got bored and rolled over half way through. It didn't exactly do much for a man's self esteem either. He had to get to the bottom of it.

"Why the sudden eagerness Hermione?" She pulled back and looked at him with a hurt expression, she seemed offended "Can't I make an effort for my husband?" She pulled back and the iciness in her voice reappeared. "Well you haven't before" Ron replied, but regretted it as soon as it was said.

Hermione folded her arms across her chest and pressed her lips together, before sighing. "I'm scared ok? You can't learn how to do this from books...it's not like a spell... ' Ron understood in an instant 'You're scared you'll get it wrong, 'cause it's your first time.' Hermione nodded and Ron smiled as he stroked her cheek "Silly girl" he whispered. Hermione couldn't help but smile, there was the guy that she loved again.

"We're you scared?" her voice was no more than a whisper. Ron looked at her, surprised. He didn't even know she knew that he and Lavender had had sex. "I know Ron" Hermione continued "About you and Lavender" Ron still looked at her with a shocked expression "It's fine honestly" it was too late for her to hide the small tear that had ran down her cheek. She turned away in embarrassment, she couldn't believe that she had let it get to her, but she remembered the times when she had cried to herself that Ron had been with someone else. It was one of the reasons that she was so hesitant with Ron. He had already lost his virginity, he had more experience than her and she was afraid that he wouldn't be satisfied with her.

Ron read all this and more on Hermione's face and his heart ached as he watched the pain in her eyes. "Hermione, can you unchain me? There's something I need to do" Without saying a word Hermione leant over and unlocked the handcuff that was around Ron's wrist and then turned away again, still embarrassed that she was crying. She felt another tear roll down her cheek and she let out a small sniff. Ron moved closer to her and turned her chin to face him. He pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and promptly wiped the tear away with his thumb. "I love that you have waited Hermione, it goes to show that you have respect for yourself and for your body. I'll wait as long as you want me to Hermione, I love you, and just holding you in my arms is all that I need. To know that you are there when I wake up is enough. I'm not going to force you when you're not ready" He placed a soft kiss on her lips and gave her a smile.

She couldn't help but smile back. He always knew the right thing to say to her. "I'm still scared Ron, I mean, you and Lavender, I don't want you to be disappointed in me" Ron placed a finger on her lips to stop her from saying more "I'm never going to be disappointed in you 'Mione. Ever. Me and Lavender, I wish it never happened. I wish I had saved myself for you. The person that I love more than anyone else"

Hermione felt her heart glow and the blood rise to her cheeks causing her to blush slightly, and her lips turned into a warm smile. She kissed Ron on the lips gently, feeling his arms pull her tight against him. "If we're not going to do that, can we at least do that other thing you never let me do..." Hermione sighed. "Yes Ron. Lord of The Rings marathon it is...ill get the wine" Ron rolled his eyes "Lord of The Rings is Beer Hermione, War and Peace is wine OK?"


End file.
